Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
