He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
