So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize