How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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