you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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