She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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