its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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