I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
