there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
