Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
