he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
