found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize