Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
whose parrot is this?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
