Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
