He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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