My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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