Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
