You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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