we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
