We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
