i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
