I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
