i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
