Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
