if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
