last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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