Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
