sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
