that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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