If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
