i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
