I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
