so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
