you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who died my cat blue again?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
