and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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