If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
