Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
