This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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