Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
