I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
