I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
