so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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