i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
