You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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