the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
