Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
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Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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