yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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