and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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