so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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