The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
