Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
