This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
