um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
