ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
