And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
