Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
