That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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