Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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