If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
