Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
