break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your dad touched me again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
