I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
