marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
