i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
