Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
