his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
