I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
