My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
