I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
jump out the window naked night went bad
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